Hold the phone, this is not a pile on about couples – not at all. Covid strikes again and the topic of postponing weddings is super relevant. Here’s my take on the situation and how to help you navigate postponing your wedding so you don’t end up a stress-head

How to not be a jerk when postponing your wedding

Hey, its Suzie your wedding VA here and before you start attacking me about the podcast title, this is absolutely not a bitch session about couples I promise its not -at -all. 

These snap lockdowns and restriction changes are so horrible and unable to predict or prepare for. My intention is actually to help you how to navigate postponing with as little stress as possible. Maybe it should read, how not to be a jerk OR get jerked around when postponing your wedding. Also, language warning – little late now I guess.  I promise I will be sharing those other podcast topics I mentioned to help you plan and enjoy your wedding, its just this issue so relevant right now, couples are going through this as we speak so If this can help in anyway I want it to. 

Please keep in mind this episode is only talking about wedding vendors and couples. There is a big wide world out there that is suffering from this pandemic, that is not lost on me at all. I count my blessings. 

This is an episode just talking about one tiny slice of a pie, the piece that affects couples wanting to get married and their wedding vendors like me, a celebrant. And these thoughts,  and experiences are my own.  

Imagine thinking, planning, dreaming of your perfect wedding day for months and years even. You’ve taken great care in choosing vendors you want to be a part of it, you’ve visited your venue and envisioned how it will be styled, how you will be party the night away and how all of of your loved ones will be there celebrating with you, supporting you, loving you, one big love-filled celebration of you and your partners love and commitment to each other. 

You’ve spent months fine tuning all the details, the seating chart, chasing rsvps, making those last minute decisions, paying all your final invoices, the day is nearly here. You’re ready and can’t wait to start the next chapter of your life with your future spouse. 

And then without any warning, and no fault of your own or anyone in particular, all your plans are just cancelled. It is beyond your control, you will not be getting married.  

You’re in lockdown as your wedding day goes past and you’re wondering once this lockdown  lifts, what does this mean for us? When should I try and reschduel for? How far in advance will be safe so that this doesn’t happen again? will my loved ones from another state or country be able to be there? Will we be able to hug and kiss and dance and sing as I always imagined? How many people do I need to cut my guest list? How can I tell them they can’t celebrate with us anymore. 

There is so –  much – to – think – about. 

I had some pretty sad phone calls from my couples meant to be getting married during this lockdown and I am expecting post lockdown to getting a whole lot more when we know some more info about restrictions etc so couples can make an informed decision. 

I’ve already shed tears with my couples, I’ve sent virtual hugs and tried my very best to lift their spirits. 

But Let me release a little bit of neg before I turn super positive. 

This sucks. 

Last year was a shit show for so many, we all held high hopes for 2021 and for a while there it lived up to its expectations, my postponed weddings we’re finally going ahead, it was catch up time, it was intense for a while there – any other wedding supplier I’d come across all had this same look on their face. It was wired tired. Honestly We were all a bit tired. We’d dealt with the emotional drain from last year and adapted and pushed through to make things amazing for our couples and we were all a little spent. And then another wave came. And hello we’re all back in lockdown again. 

Now this is not a woe is me episode, not at all, I’ve gone through the rollercoaster once I can do it again. This si just to give a little background on what it’s been like for wedding vendors.we know its been so horrible for couples, and we vendors have been feeling things too.

 I’ve seen it on the faces of event managers, florists, musicians, other celebrants and also in the mirror. 

And  I would always say, I’m not complaining, being busy is amazing right now, I’m lucky to be working, but  I also used the word intense. It felt intense in the amount of work there was to get through and catch up on. there also seemed to be a lot of pressure to make it even more amazing to make up for the heartache that couples had experienced in their postponing and extra effort to remain positive and supportive and flexible. Again, not complaining, but setting a background.

If I may speak freely, most wedding suppliers (hopefully)  really care about your wedding day, they want to do their very best to make you happy and ensure smooth stress free experience. This whole covid thing was new to us too and we did our best to adjust and accommodate. 

But we’re only human. A lot of us are only small businesses or sole traders and we got hit pretty bad. 

On a whole most of my couples were great with me when it came to postponing their wedding. A lot asked me questions about what this would mean for them, their money, their booking, what was my policy for covid? Well there was no policy for covid because nothing like this had ever happened. So us celebrants were kind of feeling our way through and how we could come to a good outcome for both couples and ourselves. 

My approach was and is, it’s a reschedule not cancellation, let’s work together to find another time to say I do which works for both of us and take it from there. It’s not always that easy. 

Poor couples did not just have to worry about me, what about the venue, what about their photographers and musicians and stylists and all these other people they had booked for this day. What are the chances all these vendors would be available again on a rescheduled day?

It’s tough. It’s a real tough experience to have to call all your bookings and first see where you stand in terms of losing money, refunds, could they reschedule, when could they reschedule, when would covid piss off and they would feel secure to book another day?  It is a massive and daunting task for couples and I really felt for them.. and sadly I still do as its still happening. I think the reality is is that gone are the days when you can safely plan a big wedding without fear that it might be affected again. I still remain hopeful, but I also realise that things may need to change and I have also discovered that there are so many ways to say I do now which have been magical 

Personally in regards to any negativity I’ve really only experienced a couple of calls from couples informing me they’ve already rebooked for another date and then not understanding when I say I’m booked already for that day. Like what do you mean you’re marrying someone else that day? Eek sorry.

 Luckily most couples ask for a range of dates and we have navigated it together with other suppliers and happily came to a new date and celebrated and it was awesome. But I have heard of some celebrants being, being harassed, abused or even sued by couples, which must have been such a horrible experience to go through. 

So many things to think about. 

Ok now that I’ve released the neg time to spin this around and help you in the best way I can to postpone your wedding without being a you know what, not that you ever were but just incase you got a case of cranky pants, take a breath, take a beat and then approach it in a better space. 

I like lists, I like step by steps, I love a good action plan, so I’ve put one together for you.

1. Take a moment to embrace and wallow in the suckiness of it all.  Its ok to be upset, yes people might think hey this is just a wedding get over it. BUT this was important to you and special, so by all means, if you want to cry, cry if you want to scream into your pillow do that, curse at the sky sure go for it just make sure no ones around or you’ll get funny looks. Feel sad, eat all the ice cream you want, feel disappointed and cheated, feel all those things, this sucks and you are entitled to feel that way. But after this please move on to step 2.
2. Make a list of all your vendors and put them in order of your priority, so your big things like venue, celebrant, photographer etc. the main people who make the wedding the wedding you were really wishing and hoping for. 
3. Make another list. Did I mention I love lists? Ok so this one will be a list of questions or queries for your vendors. And some ideal months, dates you’d like to reschedule to. I would check with the venue first( if you have your heart set on a venue) get a few dates from them and then contact your other vendors asap.  Also on the date thing, have you considered a weekday? Your chances of getting everyone on board are a bit higher for during the week and who wouldn’t love to take a day off and have a cheeky long weekend. Anyway…. Questions for them such as what their policies are in terms of rescheduling, does it affect pricing at all, is the legal paperwork still valid (that one is for celebrants, check that the NOIM will still be valid for new date). Ask for a revised receipt or invoice reflecting the new date. So pretty much make a list of your must have vendors, have a range of dates and get in to contact with them asap to find a date where they can do. After that go along the list of the rest of your suppliers to see if they can do your new date and reschedule asap and ask for proof of rescheduling. 
4. Keep calm. Don’t panic. And also, don’t lose your cool. You’ve chosen wedding vendors because you like them, they’re hopefully cool people. Please try and remember that they’ve been affected too and are human, maybe they’re dealing with lots of stresses, maybe their loved ones are sick or are separate from them. everyone has a story. So approach the postponement swiftly, clearly and nicely. If you find that you are having issues with a wedding vendor please check your contract with them and know that there are services out there to help you and advise you should the vendor either not be adhering to their end of the contract or not being willing to work with you to a compromise. Keep a record of all your correspondence, invoices, receipts etc, so if they’re not coming to the party so to speak, just know there is support out there for you to help. And remember, I’m not a lawyer or anything like that this is not legal advice.
5. Money money money. I hate talking money,  It can be awkward to talk about but let’s do it. Depending on what agreement you have with your vendor ok, each agreement is different the refund policy will be different. So please know this is JUST an example and I am not a legal professional. So for instance let’s use a booking fee as an example  generally a booking fee is non refundable. The vendor has locked in that date for you, often turned other work away and completed admin and paperwork. So there has been time spent already. If you make additional payments or pay the full amount up front, whatever the situation is, and then you need to cancel, a lot of vendors are happy to reschedule because none of us saw covid coming, but if you chose a date they couldn’t do then your booking fee would be forfeit. But your additional payments may be refunded either partially or fully refunded. And now some vendors may offer one postponement but then charge a fee for any recurring, all agreements are different so please speak openly and honestly with your chosen vendors about it. Anyhoo a point I wanted to make about money is that for some vendors, in particular celebrants, we’re sole traders, we’re small business, that money you paid us all those months ago, its most likely already been used, its been taxed, its paid our mortgages and put food on our tables, its not generally just sitting there incase it needs to be refunded. So please keep in mind that if you are requesting a refund it may need to be refunded in stages or within an agreed timeframe, because we do a whole lot of living in between payments and weddings.  So to sum up with money, check your agreement and your vendor policies and if you are entitled to a partial or full refund please understand if it takes time. 
6. Step 6, now that money has been addressed and we got over it, let’s get back to planning, so let’s say yes we’ve chosen our new date, our vendors are locked in for the new date. HOORAY now what? Depending on how close it is, there still may be some restrictions, so check with your venue can their space handle any spacing restrictions, do you need to cut the guest list etc?  gather information. Chat with your vendors about their covid plans, maybe this will help plan a flexible wedding, i.e if numbers are an issue, plan somewhere where it can be spaced differently, this is our plan a, there is our plan b etc. 
7. Revisiting the guest list. I think most people are generally understanding when it comes to the guests lists of weddings needing to be smaller now or the heads up that they were invited a little late because they were able to have the numbers and please don’t take it personally we still like you. I seriously don’t envy having to have those conversations, but I really do believe that people are more understanding of it nowadays. As a side note, if you were ever looking for a good excuse not to invite Aunt Kate’s cousins brother and his family then this is the BEST excuse for planning a smaller wedding instead.. sorry it’s the covid…. Actually we hate you, no just joking its totally the covid. 
8. Consider eloping. I am sooooo serious about this.  I actually remember my Dad telling me this when I got engaged, in fact he made the ‘joke’ to both of my sisters too, and I honestly thought he was joking, but he wasn’t. Even all the way back then my dad acknowledged weddings can be damn stressful and a whole lotta fuss and why not take those parts out and just get married? Hmm hindsight hey. I have been doing a whole lot more elopements lately and I can honestly say that there is something so beautiful and special about them. They are way more relaxed, personal and usually cheekier because you’re not worried about what Grandma Betty will think. You don’t have to be worried about your guests or bridal party or everyone looking at you. I get that some people like that ok, but when you get down to the nitty gritty, getting married is about you two. and when it is just you two (and two witnesses over the age of 18) it is magic and full of love. Seriously consider eloping and then having a party later to celebrate it. Less planning and still fun! 
9. Allow yourself to get excited again.  I get that you’ve been burned once, maybe twice, maybe this is your third or 4^th time lucky. Trust that you will get married and that is exciting. At this point in time, I can’t say with confidence when we will be able to have big normal weddings for a while yet, but then what is a ‘normal’ wedding anymore. Is bigger better? I’ve done a lot of weddings, some are big and fantastic, some are not. 
10. This is something I told my couples when the lockdown happened to them… so for any of my couples listening…. When it comes to me and your ceremony, there is nothing to worry about. You don’t need to make any decisions just yet. I’m here and will support you whatever you decide. I will get you married, it may not be as soon as you’d like, I may not be exactly as you had imagined… but it will happen and it will be amazing, and then all this stress will just be a memory.

On that loved up note, I want to send all couples who have faced lockdowns, and covid restrictions and postponements a bit hug and lots of my love. You’ll get through this, not even a pandemic shall stop your love. 

And as for your random fact for this episode  Hot water will turn into ice faster than cold water.

Because its winter and I’m cold as I’m recording this. 

Until next time, this has been suzie the celebrant with her multiple lists…. Bye.