Hello and welcome to another episode of your wedding va, you might’ve noticed it’s a little late and it kind of ties into the topic for today. Stress.  I’ve put this on the backburner because my mind was just like nup not right now Suze, not right now, deal with the fires first. 


lets do a little where we are in time right now. 
So right now I’m still in Sydney’s lockdown, it’s week 9 or 10  I think? 
I don’t even know for sure to be honest.  And over the weekend there was this surprise announcement that micro weddings are back… it was very misleading and had very little details attached to it… in my opinion it was totally irresponsible… Today is Monday and there are still no further details… just the announcement that weddings are back from Friday… you can imagine the response from couples… excitement, hope, eagerness and slight panic… its looking like couples can get married in their LGA and have up to 5 guests who also have to live within that LGA, it must be outside, must be distanced, but that is it… couples are asking when I can marry them and how we can make this happen and all I can say is … I don’t know…
It’s a fricken roller coaster of emotions… here’s a bit of hope, its nothing like you thought, soz…
 
Ok I promise this will not be a sad Suzie episode… PROMISE
Whilst weddings are a bit of a question mark right now I do think its important to talk about stress and weddings, even more so considering what’s going on.


Until I can reach my experts to interview them or perhaps finally work out how to hook it uo via technology… slim chance haha you are stuck with me – sorry about that!


Last episode I did a little meditation quickie for you, have you tried it yet? Make sure you do, have a few minutes of chill out.


I have been itching to talk about stress.  That is our topic for today and I must apologise in advance, I composed half this podcast under a blanket on a dreary day wondering when we’d be able to socialise in person again and whether I should have another empanada for lunch… and the other half of the podcast after a brilliant day of sunshine and yard work, so I’m hoping the two will come together and be balanced. We’ll see.


Everybody needs a bit of stress In their lives… a good stress, the oomph to get out of bed in the morning and get going, a bit of stress is useful in living and achieving … and just as a side note and example thanks to my PT client vicki who was training with me this morning and was asking about my podcast and my next episode, so I thought, oh shit, even though I’ve not been feeling inspired to get this done, just get this done suzie! – Vicki was the external good stress – thank you and also, I hope your listening, this is part of your homework.  Also, exercise is another great example of good stress, safe responsible and well thought out exercise is amazing for your body and yes it puts stress on it, but that stress causes adaptations to make you fitter and stronger… so… good stress. 
but its when the stress is excess and/or negative that it has a detrimental affect on us.  
We’re exploring the harmful side of stress in this episode. 


I think stress is something that has affected all of us, whilst I love the idea that you can live in a rosy little sunshine bubble where nothing affects you and everything is positive and wonderful…  that’s just not reality and life needs light and shade… oh gosh watch out I’m getting deep here people. 
in some way shape or form we’ve all experienced stress…. At the moment it could be your work, having to do home learning with kids and juggling life demands,  maybe you’re lonely, sick, worried or missing your loved ones or the news of the world which is also a bit devastating at the moment… there’s so much going on in the world right now I feel like its pretty understandable if you’re feeling stressed.


We’re covering the topic of stress in regards to weddings. couples are going through the most uncertain, frustrating kind of stress. 
I mean honestly only a few short years ago the biggest disaster you had to plan for was to have a plan b. like here is our dream wedding plan A and here is plan b if the weather is a bit crap. 
That’s it.
Now…. Oh my gosh now our plans resemble half the alphabet. There is SO much to think about. And sadly this isn’t our first rodeo, last year we dealt with postponements, elopements, multiple back up plans but this year is feeling a little worse. 


So to make sure this is not a Debbie downer episode, I want to firstly cover what stress is, how it affects us and then flip it into a positive patty and explore what we can do about it. So if you have my Book – Body transformations for brides on a budget this is a section from chapter 11 wellbeing and stress management which gives you some tips and actions to take also.


Ok first of all WHAT is stress, when I hear the word stress I think of a cartoon character whose face gets really red, fists are bunched up and then their head swells and explode. Wow when you explain that sounds pretty weird, before you ask no I’m not watching any weird anime shows, its from looney toons they’re getting so frustrated that they get redder and redder and then BOOM head explosion and then miraculous their head is fine which is amazing. 


Ok back on topic the truth is stress looks and feels different for every individual who experiences it.  It’s not a ‘this is stress’ type dealio 
And it has many causes both external and internal so some examples of external could be 


Family + future in laws
Work
Money
Partner –  aka future spouse
Children
Neighbours 
Friends
Accidents
Deaths
Illness
Energy vampires aka needy, negative or demanding people  – yuck


But it can also be from internal factors. Stress that we either create ourselves or mismanage for example


Putting pressure on yourself
Unrealistic expectations
Not being able to say no
Looking after everyone but yourself
Over-commitment to external factors
Poor self-image
Unresolved issues/trauma


Is any of this Sounding familiar to you?


So ok these are the factors… what are the signs/symptoms of stress?


Well some The mental signs of stress can vary for everyone but it may include


Tension
Irritability
Inability to concentrate
Feeling excessively tired
Having trouble sleeping


Some of The physical signs may include
Dry mouth
Increased heart rate
Difficulty breathing
Upset stomach
Frequent urination
Sweaty palms
Tight muscles that may cause pain and trembling


Was anyone like yep uh huh that’s me when I read about the factors and symptoms?
I don’t think you’re alone…and whilst I would love to say ok whatever those factors are cut them out of your life immediately… it just doesn’t work like that. 
Now let’s bring our focus back to weddings…
A lot of those triggers and symptoms can easily be connected to and are quite common when planning a wedding. 
Planning a wedding sounds amazing and it can be, but the stress involved depending on your circumstances and plans is real.
Also, was anyone else like ooh frequent urination I didn’t know that,.. yep, that can be a sign as well, there you go. 


Ok so you listened  to those factors and symptoms and you were like yes that’s me, but that’s just a normal part of life right, and right now with he current covid  situation you may be right, but why should you take stress so seriously?


Well chronic stress can lead to some pretty serious and nasty health problems if its not dealt with.
The first symptoms are relatively mild, like chronic headaches and increased susceptibility to colds. 
But the more exposure to chronic stress the more serious health problems may develop. The stress connected conditions include but not limited to


Depression
Diabetes
Hair loss
Heart disease
Obesity
Obsessive compulsive or anxiety disorder
Sexual dysfunction
Tooth and gum disease
Ulcers


Now I don’t know about you but when I was doing my research into stress and the link to our health, when I came across those conditions it blew my mind a little bit… stress is serious. And it should be taken seriously, the mind and body are sooo connected and depend on each other like a relationship.


Over the years when I was training bridal clients, I noticed a trend with stress. Even the coolest calmest person can become caught up in planning stress and pressure. 
I’ve seen the nicest and loveliest of ladies turn kinda bridezilla and a bit scary the closer they got to their wedding. 
In regards to weight, I noticed that some brides lost a lot of weight because of stress, it wasn’t part of our training program, it wasn’t their goal but due to stress the weight was falling off and we had to tackle trying to put weight on and stabilise. 
And then others had the opposite effect they stacked on the weight which lead to all sorts of problems and added pressure to get it off which just fed the stress cycle. Yuck. 
But then I also observed complete calm… brides where nothing would phase them.. aww the bliss… just as an aside those brides were having small weddings, may be connected haha


Can I share a story with you?
Its about me. Looking back on my own experience of getting married, I got caught up and worried about a lot of stupid shit. Here was one of my stresses. The bridal dress store where I ordered my dress went into receivership… I couldn’t get my dress and the money was gone. Worst problem in the world at that time.
 I was able to go directly to the wholesaler where they had my ordered size in and I went in to the sad looking warehouse to try on my beautiful and expensive bridal gown… I couldn’t get it over my thighs… my weight hadn’t changed… the dress I tried on at the store which was meant to be the same size as this one, at the store it fit me like a glove, it was long and hugged my curves in the right places, it was perfect. Well little did I know that that was because it had been tried on a zillion times and had softened and lengthened. 
What to do… I needed to lose weight…. I also tried my hardest also to stretch the dress… I bought a dress maker mannequin and stuffed towels under it to stretch it, I attached weights at the bottom of the dress to pull it… I was on a mission… months I did this… I wasn’t able to lose as much weight as I wanted, but I’d lost enough to get it up over my thighs and do up. Oh what a glorious day it was when I shuffled my way around the house announcing to my family that the dress fit. Hooray! Barely but hooray!
  On the wedding day I got it on, got some nice photos with it and as soon as I sat down the first time, it hitched up and just got worse the rest of the day.  I kid you not by the time I got to the reception I looked pregnant, it had twisted and bunched and was shorter at the front. I was embarrassed, I knew it didn’t look good and all eyes are on you on your wedding day – sorry fi that freaks you out but its true.
I hate that dress… I had loved the one in the store but I hate that dress… you will actually see it in my book though, my lovely friend and model Janine wore my wedding dress for the photo shoot and even she was like what is up with the fit of this dress… it sucked… anyway I’ve lost my point… stress about the dress and the months of worry and pressure to lose weight, and the way I looked and felt in it sucked, did it matter to my marriage? Nope, who cares?!


The last couple of weeks before the wedding is where it all amped up, I was chasing rsvp’s I was worried about offending in laws and if we’d made the right seating chart… the to do list was still high and I was sick of making decisions. I wasn’t very nice to be around and I sincerely apologise to my wonderful family especially my parents, if I acted like a brat… I think I did. 
 I remember getting stressed about the wedding rehearsal… firstly, don’t be worried about NEEDING  to do a rehearsal onsite they are usually a waste of time especially for your bridal party – man now I feel bad stressing making sure my bridal party attended… they drove in peak traffic gave up their night and for what to see where they had to stand? That gets explained on the day anyway if not beforehand, just as a little aside I do a run through meeting with all my couples before the wedding day, we go through everything together, we’re all set…. anyhoo, after the wedding rehearsal, that night when the list of the pressing things on the to do list got ticked off.. I got sick. It was pretty instantaneous too, I said goodbye to everyone, got home and BOOM  My throat was on fire and my head was about to burst – like that looney toon character, except I doubt my head would reappear if it exploded .


The day  before my wedding I spent in bed watching movies feeling horrible. My beautiful sisters took on the last of the do list and made it happen for me.. I made it to the salon for my friend Sarah to spray tan me and then I spent the night watching tv unable to sleep because Sudafed does that to me. I had it in my head that my maid of honour Nicole and I were going to watch girly movies and eat doritos… don’t ask me why doritos but it was doritos and get excited for the next day…. Well we did but there was a lot more sneezing involved. 
I got sick because I wasn’t looking after myself… simple as that. I let stress get to me, I was run down and worried about things which didn’t matter and the stress manifested. 
I would do it all again so completely different. I’d hire a perspective friend, someone to slap me around if I was getting silly, like Hey it doesn’t matter that you couldn’t get a matching stamp to match your invite ribbon… doesn’t matter is cousin so and so enjoyed your wedding but then doesn’t invite you to there’s (ooh that was a touchy one)… it doesn’t matter


So don’t be like me… 


Time to flip positive patties…. Wat do we do to combat stress? 
Well first let me ask you some questions… have a little think about it… you don’t have to answer, you can if you like but I won’t hear you


What are the stress factors in your life? Are they internal or external?
How are you able to eliminate or reduce these stress factors?
If you can’t eliminate those factors, how can you reduce the severity or impact?
Do the people you spend most of your time with leave you feeling motivated and energised?
What are your stress management strategies? What works for you? 
Have you got a support network?


If you don’t know what works for you, why not take the time to experiment with things such as  


Mediation
Exercise
Stretching
Writing
Massage or facial (right now they will have to be self-administered I’m afraid or ask your partner to help) 
Relaxing bath
Reading
Blocking people out
Talking with a friend or loved one
Making a vision board of awesome things for your future.
Parting a dog… cuddling Marley calms me way down, even if she’s the one frustrating me. If you don’t have a dog.. pat someone else’s dog…. You could just hang out at a dog park… ok I’m getting way off topic




Please try and experiment… because yes while you are planning a massive life event, you have to actually live your normal life as well… a wedding is just a day… a happy life and marriage is way better. 
Something which helps me is a bedtime and morning stretches routine accompanied by an affirmation/motto.
So before bed I do a few big stretches to let go of the days stress and I say today was a good day, I mentally go through the good parts. Then in the morning before I even get out of bed I do some stretches and have an affirmation… one of my faves to use is one I read from a jen sincere book … I say I am one with the universe, the universe is awesome and so am i….  nice right? You choose one which resonates with you. I love thinking I’m awesome.


Before I start the wrap up can I share another thing, ok cool, so chatting about the lead up to my wedding and the day of and that stress, it leads me to a bit of a warning about the day of your wedding. 
In that, yes its happy and exciting but people are STILL looking to you for answers and to make decisions…  I just want to prepare you for that, some of it comes from a nice place, because people want to make sure you’re happy, for example you want a photo of this this or this,  this has happened to so and so table do you want this to happen or this to happen…. So and so isn’t here, want to proceed, what do you want to drink. Questions and decisions, from problems to decisions it’s just a lot. 
Mark and I both say this, our wedding day was great but we LOVED the next day because all the decision making was over… we didn’t have to think anymore… 
My advice to couples is be as planned and prepared as you can be, informed and informing. What do I mean by there, make sure both of you as a couple are in the know and on same page as to the plans and what’s going on.. so many times I’m standing at the ceremony site with grooms who don’t know a thing about what’s happening and I’m like dude come on this is your wedding too, also haven’t you been paying attention to our meetings. Now there are some things you can’t prepare for, like problems, changes happening on the day, but I will give you an example of a wedding I did which could have been different. 
There’s only so much questioning and hounding for information I can do as a celebrant, there’s a fine line between being proactive and getting them organised and having them hate you for it.


I had a wedding where the bride took on too much of the planning herself, and made changes last minute which put her in the position of having to do more work…  even though she’d told me who was in charge of the music, the order of entry etc, on the actual day it wasn’t so, music dude had no idea what was going on, family had no idea what was going on, groom wasn’t too clued in what was now going on either. 
so I remember meeting her at the ‘before you walk down the aisle bit’ and it felt chaotic, nerves and excitement are usual but this felt not fun… she was running late so that was a stress, the bridal party were asking her questions about the entry which had changed, the kids, the kids outfits, the kids started screaming,  the music changed so she was trying to show me how to use her phone because the music I’d set up was now wrong, the groom couldn’t help, it was question, question boom boom, you could see her face was rigid and tense her hands were shaking, she was getting annoyed… I was like breath… take a moment…. We all got you don’t worry, 
But even watching her walk down the aisle you could still see the stress… 
And I wondered what out of that situation could’ve been avoided… 
And I thought about it all the way home… and I think a lot of that stress could’ve been avoided. 
Listen to the advice of your vendors…
Now this isn’t a dump on this bride situation, she was happy during and after the ceremony don’t worry, It turned out fun this isn’t a bad story, but I find this is a really useful story, because here’s an example of how stress can affect you and ways we could’ve avoided it. 


My goodness I feel like I went all over the place with this episode, are you still with me?
I just had so much to say about stress…


How about we finish off with something relaxing, I want you stand up nice and straight, feet hip width apart , roll your shoulders up, back and down and gaze forward, arms by your side with palms facing inhale and bring those arms up and meet at the top hands together, exhale turning your palms so your pushing the air down as arms come back down by your side, let’s do it again.
Inhale, arms up hands touch, tur hands and exhale down.
I like to add a twit into this, it feels nice for the back. So inhale arms up and twist to your right, hands touch, turn push air down, come back to centre, inhale arms up, touch, exhale push air down, inhale arms up twist to left, exhale push air down back to centre. Continue this as many times as you like, if you’re out listening to this props to you fi you stood and did that in public.




Our RANDOM FACT for this episode is 
Engagement and wedding rings are worn on the fourth finger of the left hand because it was once thought that a vein in that finger led directly to the heart  – aww


So to leave you with a message… stress is real, stress can be serious… look after yourself, be kind to yourself and others… you are not alone.


Lots of love…